My first mediation with Jess and our mediator starts in 18 minutes. To ensure I’m my best self, I’m going to do some paired muscle relaxation (PMR) and then a round (or two) of paced breathing to get my subjectives units of distress (SUD) lowered and prepare myself to stay in wise mind throughout mediation.
Definite Chief Aim
- Keep returning back to wise mind throughout mediation – I suspect that it’ll be easy for emotion to get stirred up throughout mediation.
As I reflect on this upcoming process, dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) will come in handy, a lot. When it comes to interpersonal relationships, I now have a set of tools — a framework, so to speak — to navigate these challenging times. In particular, I’ll leverage all the following:
- DEARMAN
- FAST
- GIVE
And gluing all these together is: figuring out interpersonal goals. With figuring our interpersonal goals, we consciously and mindfully make a decision (with whatever interaction), what we want to prioritize between the following three: objective, relationship, self-respect. First, for objective, the question boils down to what is it that we want. Is there a specific ask we have? Second, how will this interaction impact the relationship — do we want the relationship to improve, worsen, stay the same? Finally, for self-respect
Timeline
- 10:49am – During the meeting, I felt my SUDS elevate and I was able to continually get back into wise mind while also using all three international effectiveness skills. And I’m grateful for our mediator. This blog is not intended to air dirty laundry and I’m mindful of that and at the same time, this divorce has been taking a toll on me emotionally and creating stress since we’re depleting cash and as the sole income provider, it’s made me worried. So I’ve been really driving the conversation regarding the sell of our house in Renton/Seattle. Thankfully, our mediator was able to move us forward and give us concrete plan. Because Jess expressed she wanted to decide (together) what parts of the house we’ll repair, what parts of the house we won’t, as well as the realtor, I suggested that she find 3 realtors and I can choose from one of them. What I’m grateful for is that our mediator was able to say: by what dates will you get that Jess? Historically, Jess would feel I was controlling her by asking for a committment and I could sense that when our mediator requested a due date, Jess reacted (this is normal) AND I’m glad that that expression/opinion on a due date was communicated by the mediator, not me since I would’ve been met with more resistance.
- 1:00 PM – been plugging away at Fox and working on updating Chirp and control plane updates. Going to take a quick break, eat lunch (probably at Pho Asia across the street from Boon Boona) and then get back by 1:45pm to take the dogs out since I plan on doing a short photoshoot at the house at 3:00pm with a dancer friend who’s looking for some extra cash.
